Love and marriage are two different things. Couples quarrel as much as possible.

The terms of love and marriage, which are so closely linked, are so far away in our lives. The end of love is not always marriage, but more mutual hatred or forgetting each other. The prelude to marriage is not always love, but more of a stranger living in the water between a passer-by and a passer-by. Love and marriage are two different things, even a little opposite.
Love is a spiritual thing, but marriage is a real-life thing. Love is in full bloom, marriage is pots and pans. Love is a volcanic eruption, and no one can stop it when it comes. So there is the everlasting "rumor" that the man in love is crazy and the woman in love is a fool. Once there is love, men can do a lot of incredible things, once there is love, women are equally stupid. Often like to ask some childish questions and make some childish actions. Love is more than romance. Romance is the first element. Marriage must first solve the practical problems of clothing, food, housing and transportation, and then take care of the romantic problem. The material basis determines the superstructure, no material love, may be very clear, very pure, very noble, but no material marriage will be very painful, very helpless, very humble.
Love can be spiritual, Plato's. Marriage must be physical and realistic. Marriage is more about material things. More realistic, more cruel. The only rich resource of love is romance, but the only thing that is not needed to solve the problem of survival is romance. Love can be thrown away from the material best dildo , love over and over again, the sky is dark, the sun and the moon is dark, the sea is dry and the rocks are rotten, and the world is old. But marriage is not so lucky, marriage is clothing, food, housing and transportation, firewood, rice, oil and salt, fried, fried, pots and pans, eating and drinking.
Love is in full bloom, marriage is fried and fried, two meals a day must be done, children must be picked up, clothes must be washed, the room must be cleaned, and there will always be endless housework at home. Love does not have this worry, even if two people occasionally do housework together, the feeling is happiness, the key word is "occasionally". But housework in marriage is a task, a responsibility, and irreplaceable. The most frightening is this kind of task, which is a daily "life sentence". The key word is "continuous".
This is not to say that marriage must be material, and the poor have no love. Personally, I think that the love in the back seat of a bicycle is not necessarily more humble or shabby than that in the back seat of a BMW. Love is spiritual, and no one has the right to belittle the love of others. The poor have their own humble pleasures, and the rich have their noble troubles. But no one will listen to you talk about "five lectures, four beauties and three loves" on an hungry stomach. For hungry people, the best medicine is a bowl of rice, while all other nonsense is worthless when hungry. Full of warmth and lust. Only when people have completed the basic self-redemption of their living conditions can they have the energy and strength to fall in love with each other and grow in love with their children.
Love and marriage, because of the different emphasis in material and spiritual choices, have completely deviated from her beautiful original intention. Everyone has a good wish for love and marriage. Extend happiness like flower-like love to a golden marriage. Many people have tried or tried. There are only three kinds of results: first, because idealism is brought into marriage, love stands on the opposite side of love in unwitting romance, and finally even love loses its place, a seemingly detached and lifeless family, leaving only a marriage that exists in name only. Second, the failure of love leads to the failure of marriage, and everyone breaks up in discord. Third, between the two, love in the long years of annihilation, let time flies, the sun and the moon shuttle.
Respectful to each other, eyebrows are either legends or fairy tales. It's not that it's impossible. It's just that the coefficient of difficulty is too big for ordinary people to finish. Respect for each other is rare not in how to do it, but in people's feelings. Who can bear the fact that a couple are always so polite? When she saw you make a 190-degree bow, you saw her hands clasped together and bowed. This is not the way to live, but to meet Japanese or Korean guests.
There is also a pure spiritual important reason: the deep responsibility of love, the deeper the love, the higher the requirements of the lover, the greater the chance of disappointment. Love itself is a double-edged sword, and the deeper you love, the deeper it hurts. So most of the love can not continue into the marriage. The result of reluctant convergence is often derailment.
Two people who love each other deeply may not be happy when they live together. The reason is very simple, the content of marriage is not only composed of love, but also firewood, rice, oil and salt, pots and pans and trifles. Two strangers who meet by chance may not necessarily lead a miserable life when they form a family. There are not only material things, but also spiritual things. The world is unpredictable, in the field of love, like the world we live in, there are many unknown quantities x, waiting for us to solve them one by one.
The better the way couples quarrel.
1. Examine the real cause behind the quarrel
"remember to pay the electricity bill" is a trivial matter to the husband, but to the wife, it represents whether the husband has a sense of responsibility for what he has promised and whether he can keep his promise. This is what is really noteworthy under the appearance of the event.
However, this kind of thing is often difficult to change at a time, because these behaviors and habits are deeply rooted in the original family and have been brought into the relationship between you two. Psychologist Gottman's research has found that 2/3 of quarrels between husband and wife are actually "inexplicable" because it comes from differences in the background of their upbringing. Among the couples in the Gottman study, visiting them four years after their first visit found that 69 percent of the couples quarreled for the same reason as they did four years ago.
So what do we do now? Prince Charming turned out to be a frog. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't be turned into a prince. Should he get divorced? Well, marriage experts don't recommend that, at least not the only solution. Because, your next marriage, may also encounter the same situation, not necessarily better than this.
Sheila Heen, an American interpersonal communication writer, advises you to listen carefully to the voices of those old couples who are married in gold, silver and diamond weddings, and to see how they tolerate and compromise with each other: "Zhiwen is always late, so Angel must drive herself when it comes to important things."Jiabao always likes to invite friends to dinner, but Yiting prefers to have a quiet rest at night, so they compromise. As long as Jiabao is willing to cook and entertain itself (Jiabao usually doesn't), Yi Ting is fine. "
In view of the differences between the two, finding a way to compromise and cooperate is one of the lessons that couples must do if they want to love each other all their lives, and it is also a method worth trying. after all, marriage is a lifetime lesson.
Don't try to figure out who is right and who is wrong
"you said you would pay the electricity bill. Did you pay it?" The wife asked her husband harshly, though she had known that her husband had forgotten about it. She was sure that she was right, and it was more than that. When she saw her husband messing up the house, always not taking a bath, eating junk food in front of the children, and speeding every time she drove, she knew that in these things magic wand vibrator , she was right and her husband was wrong.
However, the point of conflict is that her husband also thinks he is right. Because he thinks that whether or not to pay the electricity bill is no more than a trifle; if he doesn't like taking a bath, his wife knows before she gets married; he blames him for driving too fast, just because his wife can't stand being controlled by others. And he often helps to wash dishes and take out the trash, but his wife never thanks.
Conflicts in marriage are often not caused by the fact that one person is right and the other is wrong. When many couples quarrel, they are not thinking the same thing at all. Therefore, in a quarrel, it is best not to argue who is right and who is wrong. Someone has to admit his mistake and make amends before giving up.
3. Avoid blaming each other
Once the quarrel is reduced to recrimination and accusation, the door of communication will be closed, which will do great harm to the relationship between the two people. As the saying goes, you can't slap a slap. When two people argue, it's best to admit that the quarrel was caused by two people together. You can't just ask the other party to apologize and admit your mistakes, but also reflect on yourself. Maybe it's because you foment the flames that the dispute gets out of hand. If you two can't reconcile before sunset, you can at least find out where you made mistakes, change your attitude and stop the argument from getting worse.
4. Step down for both sides
To avoid further expansion of the war, we must cool down and put out the fire before the quarrel heats up. Gottman's study found that happily married couples often have some ways to lower each other's anger. These methods include leaving the scene of an argument for a while or using a pet as a buffer.
Usually this requires a sense of humor, such as making faces, sticking out your tongue penis pumping , telling a few secret jokes that only the two of you know, and calming each other down in a humorous way. Sometimes you can't win or lose in a quarrel, so if you play tricks and act coquetry huge ass , you may really be able to quarrel at the head of the bed and at the end of the bed, and the more you quarrel, the sweeter it will be.
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