Psychological pain of couples with cold violence in the family

Ms. Liu is a professional woman in Fuyang City, Anhui Province. She has been married for 12 years and has an 11-year-old daughter. They have been living in a constant quarrel since their husband had an affair five years ago, and the husband often beat her to death. Later, under the warning of her mother's family and the Women's Federation, her husband dared not hit her, but her pain did not end-her husband snubbed her and either did not come home for a long time, or tried his best to insult her as soon as he got home. This kind of mental abuse makes Ms. Liu even more painful, but there is nothing she can do about it. Up to now, for the sake of her daughter's healthy growth, she still endures this unspeakable "pain" alone. This is a typical case of "cold violence" of family spirit, but it is by no means the only case. According to the statistics of the Beijing Hongfeng Women's Psychological Counseling Service Center, among the 100 women who called the Hongfeng Women's Hotline for help, 19 often suffered from language violence; 36 suffered from both language violence and physical violence, while others endured the torture of being forbidden to enter the house, not allowed to eat and restrict personal freedom. Spiritual "cold violence" is also domestic violence Zhang Xiulan, president of the Women's Federation of Fuyang City, Anhui Province, said that Ms. Liu's experience is a problem that is easy to be ignored in modern domestic violence-- spiritual "cold violence." At present, similar cases are on the rise in domestic violence complaints. As for the causes of this phenomenon, Zhang Xiulan believes that with the propaganda against domestic violence in recent years, a husband's blatant beating of his wife will be criticized by the masses and controlled by relevant departments, therefore, many people use more covert means of mental injury to deal with their life partners, such as insults, snub, verbal stimulation, and so on. What is worrying is that there is a great deviation in the social understanding of "cold violence" in the family. According to the survey, 50% of the respondents believe that mental violence such as restricting wife's interaction with friends, not talking to his wife for a long time, refusing to have sex with his wife for a long time, and ridiculing his wife's flaws and weaknesses are not domestic violence, but only physical and sexual violence such as beatings, injury to death, abuse and other sexual violence are domestic violence. In fact, according to the definition of Beijing Institute of Forensic Science and Technology, domestic violence refers to the intentional use of power, words or other means between family members to physically and mentally harm or abuse the other. it is an illegal act that infringes upon the personal rights of citizens, including physical injury, mental abuse, threat of violence, restriction of others' freedom of movement, sexual abuse male masturbation toys and so on. Wang Xingjuan, founder of the Beijing Hongfeng Women's Hotline, believes that domestic violence should include four aspects of behavior. in addition to physical violence, mental abuse, sexual abuse, restrictions on personal freedom and economic control are all the scope of domestic violence. The harm of spiritual "cold violence" is difficult to define what kind of behavior constitutes spiritual "cold violence"? The reporter learned through a survey that the "cold violence" that is common in many families is mainly manifested in: when husband and wife are in conflict, slander, indifference to each other, minimizing language communication, stopping or perfunctory life, being lazy to do all housework, and so on. A social survey on the current situation of domestic violence conducted by the China Law Society shows that 88% of families with conflicts will ignore each other, and more than 30% will leave home or drop things angrily. 48% of families will abuse each other, and in about 20% of families, husbands will threaten and beat their wives. Like physical violence, spiritual "cold violence" is often manifested in the violence committed by husbands against their wives. Qian Weiguang, vice president of the Civil Court of the Fuyang Intermediate people's Court in Anhui Province, who has taken over too many divorce cases, said that not most of the female parties are often beaten and kicked by their husbands, but the vast majority of people have suffered all kinds of mental "cold violence" more or less, but compared with the relevant criteria for defining the degree of physical injury, it is difficult to find a legal basis for mental injury. Qian Weiguang said that in fact vibrator for men , among domestic violence, mental violence has the highest frequency, followed by physical violence, and sexual violence has the lowest rate. He analyzed that apart from the fact that in some families with a higher level of education, they are more or less concerned about the restraint of the social role of "a gentleman talking but not doing anything," and feel that the violent way of combining fists and punches is not in line with his own identity. there are also perpetrators of violence who master the psychology of the slain women and are well aware of torturing each other spiritually vibrators for women , which is more able to drag her down spiritually and let her submit on her own initiative. In addition, with the increasing efforts to popularize the law, many people gradually know how to "protect" themselves with the law. If the combination of punches and punches leaves scars on the other side, you will have to face a lawsuit if you don't get it right. As a result, some people who have learned to be "well-behaved" adopt a more "advanced" form of violence. As the family "cold violence" has the characteristics of repetition and concealment, and there are no scars, no blood, and no injury identification, even if it comes to court, it is difficult for the judge to determine who is at fault. Women's spiritual homes also need to be cared for. Physical wounds can be healed, but mental wounds are not easy to heal. As a recessive form of violence, family "cold violence" causes more harm than explicit violence, and even causes mental illness. Women who suffer from "cold violence" will be affected psychologically and spiritually to a certain extent. Most of them feel frustrated and controlled, and their feelings become fragile and excitable, and they are often in a state of loneliness psychologically. Wang Xingjuan once received a call for help from such a woman: at that time, she was young and beautiful and married a man who was average in all aspects. She thought she could get better care. Unexpectedly, after marriage, the husband always worried that she would have an affair, so he tried his best to satirize and humiliate her. In the long run, her temperament has changed greatly. She is not only afraid to get in touch with others, but also always feels that she is useless and often makes mistakes in her work. Wang Xingjuan pointed out that in our society, more emphasis is placed on the concept of family standard and the role of wife and mother, which makes many women suffer from "cold violence" in the family, too many obstacles prevent them from seeking help, and feel that it is women's responsibility to maintain the integrity of the family. More choose to stay at home. Now, preventing and stopping domestic violence is becoming the consensus of the whole society. Shandong Province has integrated community resources and launched the "Zero domestic violence Community" campaign. The Fuyang people's Congress, the Comprehensive Management Committee, the Court, the Procuratorate, the Public Security Bureau, the Women's Federation and other units in Anhui Province have jointly set up a domestic violence relief center, and the rescue telephone number has been made public. There is also a special identification center for injuries caused by domestic violence in Guangxi. All kinds of "women's shelters" and "protection centers" have emerged one after another. I hope that while the whole society attaches importance to the social problem of domestic violence, we should not only protect the victims from physical harm, but also pay attention to protecting their spiritual homes from being trampled on!
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